The Dance of Anger:
A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.

Harper & Row, 1985. ISBN 006091565X.
Reviewed by Doris Anne Roop-Benner
Posted on 08/11/2001

Nonfiction: Body Language; Nonfiction: Life Lessons

When I read a book that inspires me, I mark the pages that I want to go back and study again. Of the 232 pages in The Dance of Anger, I turned down over 50 corners. My first reading was in 1989, and I still go back and find reasons why this book made such an impact on my life.

The biggest lesson was to put more 'I' in my life. Then, to remember that I have a right to my thoughts and feelings; that no one else will take responsibility for me; that I cannot change other people; and that the only person I have power over is myself.

The Dance of Anger has to do with becoming your own person without losing others. Anger can be a tool for managing our relationships and helping us become our best. I have recommended this book to many friends who are angry—at themselves, at their partners, at their families, at their employers—and, who have expressed a desire to improve their lives. It offers many excellent suggestions such as 'The Plan for Reshaping': think about your problem; seek temporary distance from it; don't place blame, be vague, or tell others how to feel; appreciate everyone's differences; speak up for yourself; and use the pronoun "I".

Take the challenge. Read the book. Become your own person.

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